Update 11/20/2009

I told some friends that I would update my blog, but this is going to be as good as it gets for a short time.

Monday, right before I left for work, my mom tells me that my best friend since I was about 12, lost her two year old daughter to cancer over the weekend. I went to work, talked only as much as I needed to to do my job, and came home to sit in the dark. I skipped my church group for the night, I skipped church on Wednesday. I was trying to hold myself together as much as I could.

You see, this friend started off being my older sister's friend. Then somewhere along the line, her and I decided or rather just began, reflecting to each other more. We both have caring hearts. I went through a long suicidal phase in my teens, where I attempted a few times. She was there with me every step of the way. I truly love her on a scale that I don't feel for anyone else. About five years ago, her husband left her. I was there 4-5-6 days a week. I helped with the kids, I was a shoulder to cry on. Often nights I would carry her to her bed and tuck her in, only to sleep on the couch in case she woke and needed me. Eventually her husband decided he wanted to fix things and come back. This situation is why my sister and her stopped being so close. My sister told her to drop him, and move on. I told her "I don't like it. But I love you, and will stand behind any decision you make."

We've lost some distance since then. We don't talk as often, or long. I don't visit as much. She had another daughter, Ayanna. When my ex cheated on me though, she was there. She listened, she gave advice, she told me she loved me.

I spent this week holding it in, I hadn't gotten the chance to know Ayanna well. But I felt the pain my friend had.

I stepped into the church today and waited in the line of people wanting to give her and her husband a hug. I shook hands with him, and turned and watched her give my sister a half hug, like she had everyone else before me. But when she turned to me, her eyes welled up and she wrapped her arms around me, squeezed and sobbed for a second. I always thought that her and my friendship would fade with time, but in that instant I knew that her and I would be friends forever. The tears started falling from my eyes as I hugged her, and all I could say was "I love you, honey. I love you so much."

What do you tell your best friend of 12 years when her daughter, her TWO YEAR OLD DAUGHTER dies? I composed myself and we let go. After the service I gave her another hug, and told her and her husband and their three remaining daughters that I love them. That I would call them after Thanksgiving - which I have every intention of doing. I intend to see them more often. I wish I could have known their daughter better.

I've been home for a few hours now, and I've cried quite a bit. I am not ashamed to say it. Even though I didn't know Ayanna well, I know her mother. I love her mother more than anyone in the world, and that is why I cry. For her, for the father, the sisters and all the rest of the family. I know your pain.

I don't know when my next post will be, so sorry about that. But at least now you know why it has been awhile.

Thoughtful Consideration

A friend and I were talking, while I was reading his blog (Follow the Leader), and it made me think. This guy is absolutely right. How we form out thoughts, will form our actions. We need to constantly work to form our thoughts in a Christ-like way.

My friend has found a way for this to work for him. He doesn't listen/watch anything that won't bring him closer to Christ. He watches Mars Hill videos and listens to Christian music. This works for him.

I have another friend that plays shooting/rpg games, listens to all types of music, and has made "Hooray for Sarcasm" our theme in study groups. This works for him.

Two very distinct styles, but two people that are very firm with their walk with Christ, even when they don't always feel like it.

So I had to ask myself, what works for Jay? I have a generally sarcastic nature, but I can't let it run rampant, because... well... I let it get carried away. I can handle listening to Christian music, but if I listen to only that type of music, watch only those type of shows, I feel like I have entered a ritualistic state of life, and that I've lost the meaning behind what I am doing. Not to mention I feel that a little interaction with the rest of the world is required. How are we expected to show non-believers the way, if we can't even connect the foot bridge?

So I gave this some careful thought, and since my blog was in desperate need of an update, I have put it here.

So what works for me? I still enjoy sarcasm, it makes my day. But I have to stop and think before hand, to make sure that I haven't stepped over the line. I listen to Christian music, but usually only what I constitute as good ;) I watch Mars Hill videos. They are a great learning source when I can't attend Westwinds (either because I am out of town, or they aren't offering a service at 2:30 am)

I need the middle ground. But it isn't exactly the middle. I know a few of you will read this and say "But Jay, Christ tells us it is better to be hot or cold, that it is horrible to be lukewarm." I know this, and I must explain myself better.

My faith is not lukewarm. I will talk to anyone about it, in fact I often do. I share the gospel whenever I can. I try to radiate Christ in my life. But I don't see watching some slap-stick comedy as detrimental to that. Sure, since I was saved there have been some movies of mine that haven't been viewed. Because I don't think them acceptable, but there are still plenty that I find okay.

I lost my train of thought, so I shall end this post. Like always, feel free to e-mail me your questions and comments @ crosssketch@gmail.com

And please mention whether or not I can post your e-mail in the message.

First thoughts on The Centre

This will be a rather short post, just something to get me back in the swing of things while I think about the other post I want to push out today -

I missed the first week (or two) of The Centre, because of work . . . . but I am getting ahead of myself. "What is The Centre?" you ask? The Centre is the name of the new Wednesday night service at Westwinds (the church I attend). There, now you know.

Well, I attended this past Wednesday, and I was floored. It was so much more of a personal experience than anything I've experienced on a Sunday service. And Dave had a fervor that was just pushing through.

All in all, if you have the time, I would HIGHLY recommend attending The Centre.

Update

It is a great thing when people send me e-mails telling me how they have read my blog and were touched by it, how they enjoyed it, etc etc. But it is something completely different when people you know, outside of the internet, tell you so.

I recently joined a small group (known as a satellite at my church and from here on out). The leader of this group, whose name I shall not post without his consent, and I were talking after the group and he told me how he liked reading my blog. It kinda just hit me.

This update is just that, and update. I will be working on hashing out at least one new post on Tuesday Oct 20th (I realize that is today, but seeing as I haven't gone to bed yet, it is still tomorrow).

I am not too sure what it will entail, but I have a good feeling it will be about The Centre (the new Wednesday service we have at the Winds).

There very well may be more than one. So please, check back soon and let's catch up. I will be expecting those e-mails again soon. Encase you don't have it, that e-mail is crosssketch@gmail.com

Thanks for reading!
Jay

Questions and comments

I find it exhilarating to talk to people about my faith. Yahweh has called us to do so, after all.

So I am posting this for a specific reason: If you have any questions or comments, please feel completely free to e-mail them to me at crosssketch@gmail.com

Whether it be questions on my theological views to questions regarding the bible. Or comments of any sort.

How do I prove...?

Awhile back, an agnostic friend of mine asked me "How can you prove the presence of God/Jesus/Holy Spirit without using the bible?"

The first thing that came to my mind, and my lips was "They have proven, with historical facts, that Jesus existed."

"Okay," she continued "Then what about God and the Holy Spirit?"

I sat there for a minute, thinking. How could I describe something like this, to someone who didn't believe? Before I even realized it, I was speaking:

"You know that chill that runs up your spine? Not the normal one that makes you shake, but the one that makes the hair stand up as it travels. The one that spreads UP your spine, but also OUT from your spine covering your entire body. I only feel that when I am basking in the glory of God and His Holy Spirit."

Her jaw dropped. After laughing and asking her why she was in shock she said, "I asked another Christian friend that same question, he said almost the exact same thing."

This hit her hard. She still isn't a Christian, but she has begun to look into it a little. It amazed me, two people who had never spoken before, told her the same thing. Almost word for word. That is also proof of God and His Holy Spirit.

People will have hard times. It's a given with life. But how you handle these times is completely proportionate to the level of your faith, and your closeness with Jesus. When bad things happen, do you praise God still? Do you spend time alone with Him? Asking for guidance and wisdom?

Or do you curse Him? Do you blame Him?

For those of you who do, sit back and think for a moment. Why do you blame Him? Did He lead this travesty to happen? And even if He did, His ways of thinking are greater than ours! Think, He doesn't love me! And you are a lost fool.

God sent Jesus to earth. NOT FOR HIS OWN BENEFIT, but for yours, mine, ours. Jesus didn't have to die for God, no...He didn't even have to die. But He chose to, for US. He loves us so much that He died to save us.

"For greater love hath no man than this - to lay down his life for a friend."
God did this. He laid down His own life for me/you/us, a friend.

Spend some time with Him. I've been spending days with Him. He is opening my eyes to wondrous new things. I know He will continue!

Walking with Yahweh

Most know, but for those who don't YHWH is the Hebrew translation for the name of God. Many have since called Him Yahweh.


Since I was saved back in April, I have been trying to do anything I can to strengthen my relationship with Yahweh. I attend a wonderful church, full of wonderful people. One thing that as bothered me about the church is that a)there isn't a Wednesday service and b) our satellites (as we call them) didn't have a very wide dynamic of bible studies. This was addressed last night in Love Shack (to be named as Hive Mind from now on). John and Dave have decided that while it will tax them greatly to perform a Wednesday service, they are willing to give it a try in October. Needless to say, many of us are very excited.

Becky then addressed the Bible study satellites. Once again, very excited!

This made me think about my own walk with Jesus. Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing? I read my bible every day...or close to. I spend considerable amounts of time in worship, and in fellowship. But I felt like I wasn't listening to Jesus enough.

I have a new away message on AIM it reads as follows:
If you are reading this message, there is a good reason for it. I am spending some much needed time alone with Christ. I may not be back for a few days, maybe longer, maybe less. He has called me to Him, and I must obey. Either leave a msg here, or on the cell and I will get back to you when He tells me I am allowed.

I've had a few people question me about this: "What do you mean when He tells you?"
I mean simply that. When Christ says: "You've spent much time with me. It is time to spend a little time with the world." I will then spend a little more time with them.

For the past few days He hasn't given me the okay. He has told me "You are working well. But now isn't the time. Soon."

Who am I to argue? It's something that I have always struggled with - learning from others. I have always been one of the people who had to learn "the hard way." Or rather, I had to make the mistake myself. For some reason I always thought I was the exception to the rule. I'm beginning to learn...I am not the exception, but the rule.

My walk with Christ has been very powerful for the last week or so. I feel closer. I was performing some interviews at the church, and one of the questions on the application says "Please describe your relationship with Jesus Christ." One of the applicants posted something so simple, but something that I know wish to use with my own. He said "We're tight!"

Isn't that something we should all strive for? A relationship with Christ that is so close there is no better way to put it than "We're tight!" ? I laughed when I first read it. I thought it was cute. Now I feel the same way. I have placed myself in His hands, and He hasn't turned away from me. He has given me this opportunity to grow closer to him, thankfully I am taking full advantage of it.

So as I conclude this blog, I leave you with a couple of questions 1)How is your walk with Yahweh? 2) Describe your relationship with Jesus Christ